Looking for your tribe? Here are a few places to start.
MEET UP
MEETUP groups are a great way to search for pre-existing groups that share your interests and passions. Here are a few examples of meetup groups you can join today:
Finding Tribe
This past weekend, I had the absolute pleasure of being with my tribe. I attended the inaugural American Counseling Association’s Illuminate Symposium which, unlike the larger ACA conference held annually, was specifically and solely focused on serving the needs of the LGBTQI+ clients. There were allies in attendance and many counselors who identified within the spectrum. With Capital Pride and the Equality March as a backdrop to this first-ever undertaking, we all here to participate in learning more about one another and how we can better serve members of the LGBTQ community – our community; my community.
…read more
Do You Suffer from Anxiety? Yoga Can Help!
Life is full of moments that cause us to feel stressed or nervous. Getting up and speaking in front of a large group of people, starting a new school, and trying to ace that important job interview – all of these scenarios can make us fearful, resulting in sleepless nights and performance jitters.
The problem starts when this fear becomes persistent and overwhelming and interferes with everyday life. At this point “normal fear” becomes a full-blown anxiety disorder.
While a certified therapist should be consulted to develop a plan for treating your anxiety disorder, yoga is an effective and natural way to get some relief from symptoms like trouble sleeping, muscle tensions, and chronic digestive upset.
Yoga, it turns out, can help control anxiety in a few different ways:
1. Yoga Builds Confidence
Anxiety can result from a lack of confidence in our ability to handle negative situations, either real or theoretical, that may arise. We are not so much fearful of public speaking as we are fearful that we are somehow going to “screw up.”
Yoga is a major confidence-builder because it works to strengthen the body and mind at the same time. The practice includes body postures and breathing techniques, along with ancient meditation approaches, and combined, these can help a person feel calm, centered, and able to handle any situation that crops up in their life.
2. Yoga Distracts Your Mind from the Negative Loop
What can you do when your mind seems to be stuck on an endless loop of negative and worrisome thoughts? Distract with other thoughts.
Yoga trains a person to focus their thoughts on the moment, specifically by thinking only of their rhythmic breath. As soon as the mind wanders to its typical negative thinking, the practitioner simply guides it back to the breath without anger or judgement. Feelings of calmness and acceptance naturally follow intense breath work.
3. Yoga is like Your Inner Therapist
Yoga is a wonderful compliment to therapy because, like your therapist, yoga helps you to observe how your mind works. And, also like your therapist, there is no judgement involved. Mediation is simply about paying attention to the thoughts you are having, keeping the thoughts that are helpful and releasing those that are harmful.
Yoga and meditation will also help you to train your mind to focus on the positive aspects of your life. When you surround yourself with positivity, the fear of negativity subsides.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment for your anxiety disorder, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
Is Your Lifestyle Working for or Against You?
“In a do-more, be-more world, it’s worth slowing down long enough to consider whether your lifestyle supports your values, your health, and your relationships.” Read More
7 Steps to a Healthy Relationship
7 Steps to a Healthy Relationship
7 Ways to Address Your Stress
4 Pillars of Women’s Wellness
In the last few weeks of school, the muggy summer air already starting to creep into the trailer-housed classroom, twenty-eight sixth graders in my creative writing class read and grappled with themes present in the Yellow Wallpaper, a short story written in the late 19th century by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. I circled around their desks, pleased and amazed at how they dug into the literature. That day, not only was I impressed by my students’ willingness and excitement to engage with the story’s themes, but I was drawn into reflections of what it means to be a woman in society and what it means to be well. Watching more than half my class – girls who would be women in just a few years – debate with their male peers about the issues present in the story – repression, mental health, madness, freedom – inspired both pride and frustration. Their fight would not end after the 45 minute class. It would not end when they turned in their final group projects a few days later – a project that required the collaborative effort of all genders in the group. It would not end when they transitioned into high school, or walked across the stage at graduation, or entered college. It certainly would not end when they went into their careers in the maths, sciences, and liberal arts. No, they were at the beginning of their fight and they had been given a taste – through literature – that it has been a fight that has been going on for centuries.
Welcome Letter from Jor-El
Hi everyone! I’m happy to be a part of the practice here at
FreshPathNY. It’s great to be a part of a practice that is affirming to
all identities as we help you, our clients, reach your goals. I wanted to
take a moment to tell you a little bit about me. I’m a NYC transplant,
hailing originally from North Carolina, and I studied counseling at
Teachers College Columbia University. Since completing my graduate studies,
I’ve worked in private practice independently and in supportive housing
here in the city. I have experience working with a wide range of adult
clients, with a variety of mental health issues and concerns. Most days, I
find myself helping my clients work through anxiety, depression and
interpersonal concerns. I’m happy to be a part of the team at FreshPathNY
and hope to contribute to the newsletter more in the future. I am open to
taking on new clients currently, so please feel free to put anyone in touch
with me who you think might benefit from therapy. I would be happy to help!
8 Common Thought-Traps
Unhelpful Thinking Patterns
The mind is fascinating, complex, complicated and, sometimes, a bit of a trickster. It can have a lot of fun creating thought patterns that can lead to increased emotional distress. If you are not paying close attention, you may find yourself believing in particularly unhelpful thoughts and that can lead to negative changes in behavior and in mood. The ability to identify when our minds are engaged in unhelpful thinking patterns can provide the key to unlocking the door to thought-traps. Some common unhelpful thinking patterns are outlined below. Do any of these apply to you?
1. Labelling:
This is a common thought-trap that involves attaching a label to yourself, someone else, or a behavior. Maybe you are upset about a mistake that you made at work. Suddenly, you find yourself thinking: I’m such an idiot! I’m a terrible employee! That’s a thought-trap! Rather than acknowledging that you (and everyone else in the world) makes mistakes sometimes, you’ve labelled yourself something negative. Try catching yourself when you might be engaged in labelling and see if you can create a more accepting, non-judgmental way of describing the situation and yourself.
2. Mental Filter:
In this thought-trap, your mind tends to zoom in on negative aspects while ignoring the everything else. Perhaps you have just made a presentation and in the feedback notes you receive 9 positive reviews and 2 negative. When your mental filter turns on, you might find yourself thinking ONLY about the negative reviews. This might actually lead you to feel poorly about your presentation and behave as though you did everything wrong (you might even turn down the next opportunity to present). Was there room for improvement? SURE! Additionally, there were positive notes that you did receive. Get out of this though-trap by taking into account the full picture.
3. Blame:
In the thought-trap of blame, accountability is placed in all the wrong places. Your mind quickly puts full blame and another person or yourself for circumstances that were not within personal control. For example, if your partner were to come home upset, this thought-trap might lead you to think: If I were a better partner, they would not feel upset when they came home. This line of thinking completely discounts the work stress, lack of lunch, and stressful commute that your partner experienced during their day. Holding yourself (or someone else) completely accountable for a situation does not allow for the full picture to unfold.
4. All or Nothing:
This thought-trap is a classic! Also known as black-and-white thinking, this thought-trap leads one to believe that there is no in-between. There is only good or bad; black or white; all or nothing. This thought-trap will quickly have you 
thinking that your whole week is a waste if you did not accomplish some of your tasks for the week. A quick way to get out of this trap is to consider all and nothing as the two end points on either end of a spectrum. That opens up a lot of space in-between for you to locate what’s happening.
5. Discounting the Positive:
This thought-trap works by dismissing positive experiences through negative self-talk. If someone does something nice for you, this thought-trap might instead produce the thought: They probably do that for everyone. If you get a new job, your mind might dampen that positive experience by thinking: They probably couldn’t find anyone else. This thought-trap makes it very difficult to enjoy the highlights of your life. The trick out of this trap is to simply accept what has happened without judgment. (“I got a new job.”) and try using language that invokes pride, accomplishment, and gratitude. (“I’m pleased that co-worker did something nice for me today.”)
6. Magnification:
Think of a magnifying glass and you’ll understand the thought-trap of magnification. The thought zooms in on one thing and explodes it so that it takes up our full attention. Think of it this way – it’s like focusing on the tree instead of the forest or the pain in your leg but missing all the other well-working parts of your body. This thought-trap thrives on removing your from the big picture. Try expanding your vision to find a quick release from this trap.
7. Overgeneralizing:
Ever hear someone use the words “always” or “never” to describe a behavior or situation? “My friends never show up on time!” “People are always rude to me.” That’s overgeneralizing hard at work. This thought-trap works by eliminating all memory and evidence for times when something did or did not happen. If you catch yourself thinking about something in “always” or “never” terms, ask yourself, is that true? Is there anytime in my history that presents evidence that that is not true?
8. Jumping to Conclusions:
This particular thought-trap comes in different forms. One version of it tricks us into thinking we absolutely know what’s going to happen in the future. Often times, we predict the worst case situation, also known as catastrophizing. Another form of this thought-trap is that we are tricked into thinking we know what other people are thinking about us. This “mind-reading” can be problematic as it can deeply and negatively impact our relationships with others. Run down that “parade of terribles” until you get to the end and employ “reality-checking” to stop this unhelpful trap.
© Copyright 2017 FreshPathNY.com. All rights reserved. Contributed by Deanna Richards, LMHC
Practicing Self-Love
Whether you are single, coupled, or partnered, the month of February is a perfect time to slow down and think about how to practice self-love. But, what exactly is self-love and how can it fit within your the framework of our lives?
Many of us are challenged with the task of managing myriad responsibilities. We need to show up physically, mentally and emotionally for our families, kids, coworkers, friends, lovers and even our pets. In my role as a helping professional, I too have fallen into the trap of making sure everyone else is okay and equipped to take care of themselves while leaving myself last on what can be a very long line.
Sure, sometimes we might realize we need to show up for ourselves and that’s when we may give ourselves a brief moment to to look after our needs, but the truth is that self love is not a one-time only practice. Showing up for yourself requires as much forethought, time and energy as we often put into other aspects of life. Unless we learn to show up for ourselves consistently and compassionately, we run the risk of becoming physically and emotionally depleted.
Why Self-Love?
You are at the center of your story. Your physical and emotional wellness impacts the wellness of those that you care and provide for. Your wellness matters to your work and those that rely on you to get things done. Your wellness needs to be YOUR priority because as much as those around you will love and value you, only you can make decisions on a daily basis that are uniquely designed to give you exactly what you need. Recognizing those needs and making consistent, intentional, and dedicated efforts to honor those needs: that is the practice of self-love.
Self-Love as Habit
How can you fit that practice into the framework of your life? Start by asking yourself the following questions routinely during your week:
- What do you need to do for yourself to feel whole today?
- What do you need to do this morning and this evening to honor yourself?
- What do you need to forgive yourself for today so that compassion can live through you?
- What has your body and your mind done for you today and how can you thank them?
- What can you do to cultivate your own well-being?
The answers to these questions may change over time but the act of asking, reflecting and responding to these questions will allow the practice of self-love to become habitual. Self-love is that important because you are that important.
Get Started Today
When was the last time you thought about doing something just for you? Something to congratulate yourself on just being you? Below are 30 things you can do today to put your on the pathway of showing yourself gratitude, care, compassion and kindness.
- Write a love letter to yourself
- Leave a chocolate on your pillow
- Post your favorite picture on your wall
- Eat your favorite meal
- Take yourself to a movie
- Send a card to yourself
- Tell your reflection how you feel about yourself
- Treat yourself to a date night
- Ask a friend to list your most positive qualities
- Smile at your own reflection
- Sing your favorite song (out loud!)
- Make yourself laugh
- Get a massage
- Schedule a counseling session for yourself
- Cozy up with your favorite book
- Get intimate with yourself
- Buy a new journal
- Treat yourself to something off your “wish list”
- Make a list of things you love about yourself
- Pamper yourself
- Take a day off
- Take a bubble bath
- Cook your favorite meal
- Plan a trip
- Call the people that love you
- Buy yourself flowers
- Put something up in your home that makes you feel good
- Forgive yourself for something in the past
- Let yourself sleep in
- Do something that lets your body know that you appreciate all that it does for you
© Copyright 2017 FreshPathNY.com. All rights reserved. Contributed by Deanna Richards, LMHC