Know Thy(Poly)Self

By Deanna Richards

Posted: February 9, 2021

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Polyamory noun

poly·am·ory | ˌpä-lē-ˈa-mə-rē

: the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time.

(from Greek Poly meaning “many”, and Latin amor meaning “love”)

Now when I tell you that jumping into polyamory isn’t for the faint of heart, trust me, I know.

Webster’s dictionary leaves a lot out.

When my husband and I decided to open our marriage many years ago, I had no idea what I was doing. I had never read a book about it or even heard the term polyamorous before. I had fallen for a girl and wanted everyone I loved all together, that’s all I knew. I was high on a fantasy of threesomes and new lady love. I was flying blind. I made a million mistakes, and deeply hurt some people on my journey of self discovery. Because that is what coming out has been for me. Self discovery.

As it turns out, it’s not all about the sex. In fact, sex is probably about 10% of everything you’ll have to face and manage when navigating multiple ethical relationships. Communication, owning your insecurity, and being clear about your needs is likely the other 90%, and boy it can be brutal.

Before you jump into ethical non-monogamy (ENM) or Polyamory, be sure to ask yourself some deeper questions first. Am I willing to face myself and explore my motivations, and insecurities? Am I willing to have truly unsexy talks, with all people involved, about safe sex practices, STI’s and testing? Am I willing to let go of the monogamous notions of possessing my partner and controlling their desires and their body?

If you are willing to do the work, then a fulfilling and glorious life full of multiple loves and endless possibility awaits you. And not only that, but a deeper relationship with yourself will surely emerge. Self exploration is the sexiest and scariest thing you will ever do. Enjoy the ride!

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